Interpersonal Relationships.

I've began contemplating about interpersonal relationships and that wall we put up between our true identity and what we show others.
Even in our most genuine, trusting, reciprocal relationships do they ever see the 100% raw us? Can they ever see past the visage into our deepest darkest soul? Even in truth, it's not a lie if you don't say it. I know there are things in my head, things about myself, about other people that will never come into creation with words. There are even times when exposing too much of your thinking can be problematic.
Another question is, by doing this are we protecting ourselves or the people around us? I guess in some respects, depending on the circumstances, it can be either.
Right now however, it's that sense of closeness and that wall between us and others that intrigues me; Depending on the type of relationship, the circumstances around meeting, the time you've spent ,and the feeling you have towards them some people in this world will never see us more than "Hello, Thank you, have a nice day." and others will be let in to see our moments of great strength and also, great weakness. They may be impressed and envious of the person we show due to a certain situation. Or, lose total respect. It's funny in a way, because it's not always a true representation of our true inner workings but only at how good we are at molding the self we bring into being to show others.
There are some of us who hold that wall up for too long and too strong to let anyone get to know them any more than a superficial being, and those that come off in an unfavourable light for letting the wall down too soon and exposing too much. It's a certain tact to build meaningful interpersonal relationships, to assess your opponent and execute the right amount of yourself (or depending on the person, a total lie) to bring that person closer to you.
I wonder, if our thoughts were transparent, and we knew everything about everyone we came in contact with, how many of us would keep that bond?
Would you gain or lose friends if there was nothing to hide?

<3 Dil.

Seperation Anxiety.

Tear me at the wrist from my lover,
never meant to be.
You never tasted the salty tears,
They fell into the pool of infinity.
Why must this go on?
Blind with my mouth sewn shut,
trying to find you.
Mangled and deformed,
this body of mine,
who will love it now?
Will you wrap your arms around me?
The barb wire bound around my eyes,
the thorns stab them, the blood stings them.
Why do you love me,
love me the way you do?
Why won’t you love me?

<3 Dil.

Sleeping Pills.

Sleeping pills.
The world is more beautiful in your head.
The memories, even the bad ones are sweet.
Forget the reality of now and live in the past.
Escape the feelings and emotions of now and hold on to falseness.
Do I remember correctly or have I been brainwashed by words?
Words, sounds, tastes, feelings, thoughts;
Which ones can I trust?
Can I trust anything now?
I’ll just live in my head, it’s a happy place there.

<3 Dil.

Confusion.

Confusion.
Mind racing.
Where are you?
Looking desperately.
Your shadow on the wall,
I can see.
Every time I grasp, you slip through my fingers.
Illusion,
Vision is fuzzy,
Where are you?
My cheeks wet.
Heart’s thumping.
Still looking at that shadow upon the wall.
The words I wish I could take back.
In my blurred reality.
Racing towards you,
racing towards nothing.
My mind’s racing with confusion.
You lead me forward,
into the nothingness,
into the Confusion.

<3 Dil.

The Future Yesterday.

Yesterday will never come,
memories long past are done,
I lynched the world yet to pass,
no longer watching through thick glass,
Free me from this with blood soaked tears,
oblivion of crossed out leers.
I'll compensate for wrongs I've made,
from the wrist with this cruel blade.
Sins pour onto innocent ground,
ground where nothingness is found.
That, is where I must fall,
no longer able to bawl.
Choke the absent sobs,
my heart no longer throbs,
Cold dreary mist,
no longer to exist,
I am numb,
death to blossom.

<3 Dil.

Smile.

The thrash of the whip stings,
so why does she long for it once again?
The sweet comfort of the torture you gave her,
It was simple,
It was easy,
She wasn’t alone.
While she cried inside, she gave you her sweet smile.
The tears flowed over your bare chest,
the tears flowed but wouldn’t reach your heart.
You told her it was for her own good,
You told her she loved you.
She believed and hid her tears behind that smile.
When will the tears drown that smile?
Now the smile hides the blood,
the blood from that long lost whip.
Difficult,
Hard,
She’s alone once again.
Please let the smile hide nothing.
Just smile.

<3 Dil.